I remember when one of the nurses told me that I had to be hospitalized for at least 3 months, I literally felt every inch of me scream for help, resisting what I soon realized was inevitable.
My first three weeks was spent heavily sedated in bed. Much of what I could remember was a mish-mash of dreamlike situations with people I wasn't sure were real or if they were just a figment of my imagination. After that, I slowly gained consciousness and reality began to sank in. I realised that I had alot of work to do and although it was indefinite if I was ever meant to climb mountains, I would have to muster the strength and determination to peak this experience.
I can't tell you the number of times I broke down because it is hard to accept what has happened and the simplest of things became a mammoth task. I still cry and I still worry looking at my situation now, wondering how I will fare in my future situations.
Suddenly, I couldn't rely on myself. I've always known that I could not rely on people. My own self-inflicted and extensive experience on depending on people has marred me enough and now I am helpless. This, in itself, had red flags on the subject of reliance which I do not have the words nor the energy to begin about at this point of time.
Here I am, on the day of my discharge, lying on the bed in my ward with the ringing realization that my past 3 months was merely the beginning of a tidal storm. This part of my life has only just begun.
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